As a disclaimer, what I’ve written below about my food choices is a personal decision. Part of me feels uncomfortable for even sharing this. I fear that it will seem judgmental or preachy. I don’t intend that. My only reason for sharing this is that eating is such a social activity. It is something that I do on occasion with friends and family. As such, I think it wise to share with these people how I feel about my food.

The humane treatment of sentient animals is personally something that is very important to me. I don’t think such animals should have to suffer or to endure pain that can otherwise be avoided. I’m as of yet undecided as to what “rights” these animals have. As such, animal welfare currently holds much more sway with me than animal rights.

To my mind, factory farming is in direct opposition to animal welfare. It’s not even the worst-case instances that get videotaped and touted by animal rights activists that upset me the most. It is the normal, run-of-the-mill operations that disturb me most of all. The normal conditions of confinement and health are enough to make me queasy. When those conditions result in nothing better than an order of Chicken McNuggets, things seem rather dismal indeed.

In order to counter such inhumane treatment, I think one must vote with their food. Each meal or snack counts as a vote. The votes are ours to cast. Maybe it’s eating less factory farmed meat by going vegetarian for one day a week. Or maybe its eating more ethically, sourcing and purchasing all of your meat from non-factory farms. Unfortunately, so much of our meat comes from these factory farms that it becomes nearly impossible to avoid. And labels like “free range” or “cage free” only seem to exist so that a certain wealthier strata of carnivores can pay for the privilege of feeling better about themselves. (Although nobody assumes that opening up a small window in a dank interrogation room while waterboarding a prisoner somehow keeps it from being called torture.)

The only way that I can deal with the personal shame of consuming meat products that are derived in what I consider inhumane ways is to adopt a nearly vegan way of eating. For me, it is the best way to refrain from factory farmed meat. Luckily, I have been mostly vegetarian (actually  flexitarian) for some time, so the transition won’t be too difficult. Also I have enough money so that I can avoid fast food dollar menus for my nutrition. And I have the time and inclination to prepare and cook most of my meals.

That being said, as I adopt a more vegan way of eating, I do not pretend to be a fundamentalist about it. There will be times–multiple times–where animal products are consumed (with more or less levels of attendant shame). Technically, I will still remain a flexitarian. I do not find this hypocritical. Furthermore, I firmly reject the sort of vegan lifestyle that embraces and engages in all kinds of woo-woo and pseudoscience.

I understand that there are valid reasons for eating meat. There may even be a few valid reasons for eating factory farmed meat. I’m not trying to force my beliefs on animal welfare, animal rights, and eating philosophy on anybody else. Everybody is free to place their own food votes. I just hope that the electorate is as informed as possible.

With all that being said, I’ve come up with a personal set of food guidelines for which I would like to adhere:

Fruits, Vegetables, Legumes, Nuts & Grains are obviously always okay to eat. Fats and proteins that come from non-animal sources are okay as well, along with sugars and alcohol. I’m not going to be concerned with minimal amounts of animal byproducts that appear in these prepared products. I will always consider a pint of Guinness to be vegan!

Dairy – Cheese must and will be my biggest concession. I just cannot give it up at this time. But in order to make myself feel a little better about it, I’m going to try and purchase all of my cheese locally or from artisanal sources. If I eat only the best cheese, perhaps I won’t need so much of it. For ice cream, I’m going to try and keep it to non-dairy versions, but I will likely stray into the Ben & Jerry’s or Braums territory on the rare occasion. The rest of my “dairy” will come from non-animal sources.

Meat – I will not eat any factory farmed meat. And I will not eat fish, veal, or foie gras. If I do consume beef or bison, it will only be from local/family farmed sources. If I do consume pork, chicken, or eggs, it will only be from local/family farmed sources for which I can verify genuine humane treatment.

As far as eating out, my rules get a bit more lax. Perhaps this will change in the future. But I find it necessary at least in the transition. The above rules will apply to food eaten out, except that I will allow myself dairy from locally owned, independent restaurants. I know that rule is a bit arbitrary, but it will at least keep me away from the biggest offenders. Also, I’m not going to be too concerned with animal-based broths and the like that are used in cooking and cannot either be substituted or discerned.

I, of course, reserve the right to change these rules at any time. I’m not chiseling them into stone tablets or anything. They are simply guidelines for how I would prefer to eat.

Also, I anticipate a “wall of shame” of sorts whereby I out myself when I’ve gone off of my established food rules. I’d like to take a photo of the offending food and write a little something about why the rule was indeed broken. Don’t know what it’ll accomplish, only that it might be kind of interesting.

Finally, I should say that the title of this post is a play on the title of Natalie Portman’s recent essay in response to Foer’s new book. Actually my decisions are based on a broader (yet incomplete) reading that includes not only Foer, but also Michael Pollan, Eric Schlosser, and Peter Singer. And despite anticipation to the contrary, Natalie Portman is not some sort of Vegetarian Welcome Wagon. If you were under the impression that the Oscar nominated actress would indeed “reward” you for your conscientious food decision-making, then you are sadly mistaken. Thanks, Sarah, for pointing that out.