I’ve always wondered about the people who decide what to put on church signs – you know, the ones carrying a message that good, church-going folks may find cute but that are really just kind of pervy? (Some personal favorites are: God Answers Knee Mail, Gods Favorite Word Is Come, and The Best Place To Be Is On Your Knees.)

Driving home from work, I spotted the following sign on South Eastern the King of All Creepy Church Signs:

Are these people really that clueless, or are they just brilliantly subversive?

Our resources are being stretched to the limits with wars on multiple fronts, the War on Christmas and the War on Halloween among the several far-reaching entanglements.

If you were Commander-in-Chief, which holiday would you like to eliminate with overwhelming decisive force?

Ive noticed that, in recent years, womens Halloween costumes have become increasingly risqu (and unimaginative). Last year, at Citywalks Halloween party (granted, it was Citywalk) I noticed: sexy baseball players, sexy fairies, sexy devils, sexy angels, sexy kittens, sexy nurses, etc. All the clever, funny or interesting costumes seemed to belong to the guys.

Last week, I found an ad in the mail from one of those temporary Halloween megastores. Out of the two pages or so of womens costumes, nearly all of them were sexy. Sexy storybook characters, sexy pirates, sexy vampires, sexy postal workers, sexy prisoners, even sexy Girl Scouts (okay thats just kind of creepy).

Christa Getz is Purchasing Director for a Halloween costume website. Quoted in last week’s New York Times, she confirmed my suspicion:

Probably over 90 to 95 percent of our female costumes have a flirty edge to them, Ms. Getz said, adding that sexy costumes are so popular the company had to break its sexy category into three subdivisions this year.

Grown women can dress however they wish, any day of the year, and Halloween is no exception. There are just two aspects of this Skinfest that annoy me:

1. None of the mens costumes seem to be sexy. Where are the sexy UPS delivery men? The sexy baseball players? Or, for that matter, where are the sexy Boy Scouts?

This seems to be one more example of a gender-based double-standard, starting in childhood, as Dr. Adie Nelson (also interviewed, in the same article, by the Times) points out:

Dr. Nelson found that even costumes for little girls were gendered. Boys got to be computers while the girls were cupcakes. Today, there are bride costumes for little girls but one is hard pressed to find groom costumes for little boys. Additionally, Dr. Nelson said, the girls costumes are designed in ways that create the semblance of a bust where there is none. Once theyre older women its just a continuation of that same gender trend, she said.

2. If youre one of those poor souls who happen to be larger than a size ten, youd better be prepared to go frumpy. Out of all the dozens of womens costumes in that Halloween ad, only two were plus-size. The rest stopped at size M/L. Interestingly, the two plus-size costumes were pretty much the only costumes consisting of loose-fitting, long-sleeved dresses. The message is pretty clear no one wants to see your fat ass. Cover up, you icky fat girl, cover up!

I suppose I cant get too terribly upset, mainly because we are talking about tacky, cheaply made, mass-produced costumes. In all my years of dressing up, Ive never considered a store-bought costume Ive always found them boring and not terribly imaginative.

But these costumes are just one more way to reinforce to women that their primary purpose in life is to be eye candy. And if you dont fit the prescribed criteria for eye candy, then youd better throw on your muumuu and stay home on Halloween.

Or (what a novel idea!) come up with a creative costume of your own.

I was recently charged with organizing some kind of Halloween celebration for my office. I initially suggested coming to work that day in costume – the idea was met with a tepid response. I then proposed that we turn the occasion into a Snack Day – that is, anyone who wished to participate could bring some sort of Halloween treat (candy, caramel apples, a Jell-O mold in the shape of a brain, chips and salsa, whatever) for everyone to enjoy. At some point during the afternoon of October 31st, we would take a break and stuff our faces full of crap.

Innocent enough, right?

Amidst the more enthusiastic responses, I received one from a relatively new coworker who informed me that he does not celebrate Halloween for religious reasons. He also stated that my e-mail insinuated that if he didn’t participate, he wouldn’t be considered a team player, and that he resented this implication.

(To clear up the controversy, here is what my e-mail actually said: “Of course, participation is strictly voluntary. If you dont want to engage in a little team building, well, thats your choice. No pressure. I know where you live, thoughand I have a lot of extra toilet paper in my garage.” I should probably point out that my office is quite informal, and it is normal for coworkers to joke around on a regular basis.)

Apparently I should’ve added a little smiley face emoticon at the end – although everyone else who received the e-mail seemed to understand that the statement was made in jest.

Shocked, and a little worried that I might soon find myself slapped with a grievance, I explained that my statements were tongue-in-cheek and not intended to be taken seriously. I apologized if the tone of my e-mail had been unclear.

In his response, my coworker went on to inform me that Halloween is “the only holiday forced on people.”

Wha-wha-what?

I gasped audibly and then worked hard to suppress my giggles. Although quite excruciating to do so, I let the conversation drop at this point. I wanted to argue that perhaps Halloween wasn’t “the only holiday forced on people,” but simply the only holiday he didn’t like. I wanted to ask him how dressing up like a mime and stuffing yourself full of candy somehow summons the Dark Prince. I wanted to remind him that even his precious Christmas originated from pagan rituals. I could feel my blood pressure climbing the more I thought about it.

My problem isn’t so much that he doesn’t celebrate Halloween, although I certainly find this completely absurd – my problem is having to work with a man who is clearly devoid of any sense of humor.

I’ll be bringing cheese on Tuesday. Nothing says “Hail Satan” like a big wedge of smoked Gouda. (FYI: the smiley face means Im joking. I have no actual intention of asking demons to crash my cubicle space is a little too limited in here for that.)

Congratulations to everyone who worked at the OKC Animal Shelters Howl-O-Ween Adoptathon, and to everyone who walked away with a brand-new pet. Our goal of adopting out 200 dogs and cats over the course of the weekend was met and exceeded 229 was the exact number of animals adopted.

I knew we would easily meet that number when we arrived at the event Saturday morning and were met with swarms of people waiting outside the tent. Once we began at 9:00, the crowd surged in, and pets were being grabbed up left and right. Well over half of the animals we brought that morning had been adopted by 9:30 we even had to send for more to fill some of the empty cages.

When the animal welfare van pulled up with a new supply of dogs, people actually rushed the van. As a fellow volunteer commented, it was as though Tim McGraw had been inside that van.

By the time our shift ended at 1:00, we were down to just a handful of dogs. It was so good to see so many people eager to adopt a shelter dog. The cockles of my heart were warmed.

Presumably, our foster beagle Sophie was up for adoption yesterday. I wish I knew what happened to herI miss her quite a bit, surprisingly. Shell make someone a terrific pet (assuming they can keep her from escaping).

Update 10/24/06: Our Sophie found a home. I hear she was one of the first dogs to be adopted Sunday morning. Congratulations, Sophie.