Flip through any magazine, watch any television show, and youll see her. The size-four, tan-skinned, porcelain-veneered ideal of female beauty. Even so-called reality shows tend to feature participants who fit this image. This image is inescapable, its everywhere, and it makes me wonder why do we buy into it?

Its no secret that the weight-loss industry makes billions of dollars every year by making us feel inadequate (or over-adequate, rather). Statistics indicate that the number of teenage girls opting for plastic surgery is on the rise. Eating disorders are rampant. At the same time, more Americans are overweight and obese than ever before. I suspect that these thin, beautiful people are fewer in number than we are led to believe in the media. Its easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we, the non-thin, the non-beautiful, are the ones in the minority, and to also believe that we what see represented in the media is how we should be. Were made to feel that there is something wrong with us if we dont fit this specific, idealized image. Were made to feel that if we were thinner, or if our hair were a different color, or if we only had a smaller nose, then maybe we could be worthy. Maybe we could find someone to love us. Were always striving to change ourselves, be someone else, be this perfect fantasy womanand for what? So some diet guru or cosmetics company can be just a little bit richer? So men will flirt with us?

The problem extends beyond the media. Unfortunately, even if you manage to resist this brainwashing, many other people havent. I have been thin and I have been fat. Ive seen the difference in how Ive been treated. If youre fat, especially a fat woman, you start to get used to being ignored. You get used to feeling like you dont exist. You get used to having men buy your thinner friend drinks while you sit there like a very large bump on the log. You get used to your friends looking at you when someone tells a fat joke, watching anxiously to see how you react. You get used to shopping with your thinner friends and drooling over the cute clothes she gets to buy while youre stuck with clothing items of a less-stylish nature. (Apparently if you have the nerve to gain weight, you forfeit your sense of style as punishment.)

Sure, I could lose weight and force myself to conform to how people I dont even know think I should be. But why should I? Im intelligent, interesting, well read and passionate. I have great hair, adorable feet that look amazing in sandals, and I know how to dress to flatter my best physical features. I have a wonderful husband who thinks Im beautiful at any weight, and terrific friends to whom my weight is the least important thing about me. Why should I have to be a cookie-cutter clone to be a productive, happy, worthy member of society? The way I see it, Im not the problem. Our culture is. I realize the health risks associated with obesity, and Im not advocating weight gain, but there is a definite problem when healthy, beautiful women are judged as fat. Kate Winslet, and Bridget Jones-weight Renee Zellweger, are perfect examples.

Its time to wake up and face reality. Theres something sick about a society that thrives on making people feel bad about themselves. Its time to stop judging ourselves (and others) based on how we stack up to Paris Hilton. Its time to accept ourselves for who we are, not what size we are. Its time to realize that beauty comes in many, many sizes not just size-twos. This is an incredibly difficult task, these ideals being socialized into us from the beginning. Its taken me nearly 30 years to get to this point, and I still have a long way to go. Some days I look in the mirror and feel terrific about myself, other days I want to crawl under the bed and cry.

So what is there to do about it? We need to advocate for each other and ourselves. There should be more representation in the media, especially if there are more of us than are Heidi Klum clones. We should stop being complacent and demand it. Seek out and support entertainment that features more diversity in general. Write letters. Support stores that offer fashionable plus-size clothing, and encourage the ones that dont to carry lines for us. Fat women buy clothes, too, and if statistics are any indication, we make up a fairly sizeable (no pun intended) segment of the population. Thats a lot of money waiting to be spent at your store, if youll just give us a reason to shop there. We should not laugh gamely when some redneck comedian makes fun of us, and we should confront anyone who makes an ignorant, hurtful remark. However, we shouldnt take ourselves too seriously. We need to de-stigmatize the word fat. Its just a descriptive word, much like brunette, or tall. Its we who have given it such a loaded, negative meaning. We need to loudly remind everyone that we exist, and that were interesting, smart, funny, cute, sexy women who are also fat. Most of all, we need to look deep within ourselves and examine who we are. We need to realize what makes us unique, and that we are so much more than how we happen to look or how much we weigh. We need to stop killing ourselves in order to be something pretty for men to look at. We need to stop this ridiculous competition with each other to see who can be the thinnest or the tannest or the blondest. Every woman, fat, thin and anywhere in between, is affected by our cultures obsession with beauty. Its time to stop buying into the self-destructive myth that bombards us each and every day – its one of the most subversive things you can do as a woman.